Crook
by MiraResQNU
Summary: Oneshot! With a little help from Yumichika -and no thanks to Ikkaku- Ichigo discovers one of Tatsuki's unusual hideouts. Language, fluff. R&R!


Crook

Warning: for strong language, suggested violence and shmexay fluffiness. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters- just borrowing a few of my favorites for this admittedly weird oneshot.

--

Making his way into the dojo for some answers, Ichigo nearly collided with a _second_ female in so many seconds. Orihime froze in her tracks in front of him, worry prominent in her tight features. "Kurosaki-kun?! Did you see-?"

"-Yeah, she almost ran me down just now." The teen furrowed his eyebrows, "Where's she going?"

Orihime's eyes widened in disbelief, "Kurosaki-kun, why didn't you _stop_ her?!"

His own look of confusion deepened, "Huh? By the time I realized she was upset she'd disappeared! What the hell happened?"

The girl ducked her head guiltily, averting her gaze, "Um… M-Madarame-san…" Ichigo finally noticed the other occupants at the far end of the dojo. In the center of the mats he could see Vice-captain Matsumoto giving the bald and seemingly exasperated warrior a severe tongue-lashing as Captain Hitsugaya and Ichigo's human friends looked on from the sidelines.

The pieces began to fall into place as Orihime continued, "It was supposed to be a friendly exhibition match, but… well…"

Ichigo frowned, "I see." Having heard enough, he marched straight past Rangiku up to a sweating, grimacing Ikkaku. Seeing the scowling teen approach, he rolled his eyes.

"Oh great, here we go…"

"Should I even ask?" Ichigo growled, halting like a human wall in front of the cocky fighter.

Ikkaku shrugged nonchalantly, "Not my fault your little dragon midget can't take a joke…"

From behind him Rangiku snorted, "Oh please. She was better than he thought she'd be- _much_ better. She started winning." The lovely woman smirked as Chad and Keigo silently nodded from the sidelines.

But Ikkaku spat, "Like Hell!! This stupid gigai slows me down! I had her right where I wanted her!" Ichigo's eye twitched.

"With your face in the mat?" Hitsugaya casually inquired from his seat. Keigo snickered beside him.

"Madarame-san, you didn't have to say such awful things to her…" whispered Orihime as she quietly joined them, head still bent.

"What?! What did you sa- never mind, I don't think I wanna know." Ichigo stepped closer into the bald shinigami's face, "Just tell me where she was going."

Ikkaku stood his ground, "Like I'd know. It's not my job to keep tabs on your psycho booty calls." When the angry teen grabbed the front of his uwagi threateningly the gruff officer merely chuckled, "You know, I'm beginning to think maybe you really are sweet on her-"

Shooting him an incredulous look, Ichigo seethed, "For the _hundredth_ time, Ikkaku- **I'm **_**with**_** her!!** Get it?! Now just tell me where she went, before I finish what _she _started."

Ikkaku eyed him, ego apparently stung. His jaw was still throbbing a little, after all. "Are you deaf?! I said I don't-"

"-know where she is," Ichigo finished for him. "Fine. But you know where Yumichika is- you _always_ know where Yumi is-"

"-No I don't!-"

"-and 10 to 1 she'll end up with him." Ichigo finally released him, glaring expectantly.

Ikkaku snickered, "Hmph, if that isn't the most freakishly bizarre friendship ever…"

It did sort of figure- the prettiest boy bonding with the toughest chick over their mutual love for whooping ass… It was almost poetic, really.

The shinigami scratched his shiny head while considering his less-than-amused friend. Finally he relented, "Whatever. _Yumi's_ at the Shoten. Something about 'taunting the monkeys'… I dunno."

Sometimes Ikkaku could be so dense… Besides flipping his luxuriant hair and polishing his zanpakuto to a mirror shine, annoying Renji at work had become one of Yumichika's favorite past times. Of course he would have initiated his newest 'girlfriend'…

Ichigo sighed heavily, releasing his hold. "Thanks. And from now on leave her alone… She's sensitive." He turned, heading for the door.

But Ikkaku balked, "SENSITIVE?! Are you shittin' me?!" The bald fighter pointed to his gigai's rapidly bruising jaw. "She's a fuckin' raging bitch! Next time, I'm droppin' bankai on her ass! I'm not playin', Ichigo!! Tell her we're not done!!" he yelled at the teen's back as he walked off. The cackles of his comrades echoed through the dojo.

Ichigo could only shake his head, stifling a chuckle. Fishing his cell phone out of his jeans pocket, he sent a quick text to confirm his info.

--

She could feel Yumichika's concerned stare on the top of her head, but Tatsuki refused to lift her face out of her small hideout. It was dark and calm inside the tight wrap of her long sleeves, and no one was trying to snatch the world from under her in there.

She heard Yumi's overly dramatic sigh beside her, "Why don't we talk about it…"

"No thanks," she muttered.

There was absolutely no logical reason to talk about any of it and so she declined, content to shelter her shattered ego in the tiny gaps in the inside of her arms.

"Honey, it can't be as bad as all that."

"Not gonna talk about it." She knew her muffled voice rebounding off the counter's wood surface sounded even more pathetic than she must look at the moment…

His hushed whisper suddenly hovered close to her hidden ear, "Darling, are you crying in there?"

She made an instant face- though Yumi obviously couldn't see it- but still didn't budge, "Guh! Of course not! I'm just… thinking…"

She could practically hear the exaggerated strain of Yumi's eye-roll and somehow it made her feel even more foolish. Because there was nothing wrong with hiding from your troubles in the crooks of your elbows on the Shoten's sales counter. Absolutely nothing. Even if it was starting to get warm in there.

"Dearie, you're going to suffocate like that."

"That'll be fine." She was beginning to wonder if there was any limit to Yumichika's seemingly endless list of endearments.

"Miss Arisawa Tatsuki!" A sharp pinch at her waist had Tatsuki jumping then swatting blindly at the flamboyant shinigami before finally raising a menacing glare at him. Yumi'd cheated- he knew pinching was _not_ tolerated.

"Can't you let me wallow in peace?"

But the well-groomed officer just smirked sweetly at her, "Is that what this is, precious? I thought perhaps you were trying to commit suicide by shirt sleeve."

Tatsuki scowled, "You're a real riot, you know that?"

His smile softened, "Seriously, lamb. Why did you come find me if you aren't going to talk to me? Just tell me what happened! Honestly, it can't be _that _bad."

But this only incited the poor girl to throw her hands up, opining to the drab ceiling, "It _**isn't**_!! Okay? God, that's the problem!"

Yumi blinked, feathers wafting, "Peaches, that makes absolutely no sense."

Words began tumbling from her mouth, "It was _stupid_, okay? He told me not to hang out with Ikkaku but I did! He told me not to spar with him, but _he_ started it- that knucklehead came to _my_ dojo! And he told me not to take anything that came out of that cue ball's mouth seriously…" she trailed off, staring hard at the counter.

Yumi's mouth pursed, then smoothed back into a straight face, "I see. Well, let me say this, angel: while I adore my comrade to death, I will easily acquiesce that he is quite possibly the most tactless buffoon with which one could ever make an acquaintance." When the sullen girl only huffed, he delicately guided her chin up to him, "Now tell me, love, what did that Neanderthal say that would threaten such a stunningly flawless face with frown lines?"

After a long pause, Tatsuki sighed audibly, then opened her mouth to answer when Yumichika's cell phone suddenly chirped, startling the duo. Yelping a loud "No!!" she lunged for it on the man's slender hip, but Yumi quickly snatched it and held it out of arm's reach.

Utterly shocked, the shingami reproached, "Gracious! Down, girl! I have to check this- it might be a Hollow."

"No, don't answer that! It's him!" She made a jump for the phone but Yumi had ridiculously long arms; the phone chirped again as he held it aloft.

"What? How on earth would that be?"

Tatsuki's eyes volleyed from the little device to Yumi's suspicious gaze, "Because… I ran into him outside the dojo after the fight. By now he'll have heard what happened and he'll be trying to find me. He'll have figured out by now that I'm with you."

Yumi raised a perfect eyebrow at her, "So he'd call _my_ phone?"

Tatsuki winced guiltily, "I… turned mine off."

"Tatsuki!!" His immaculately lined eyes widened. "Well, let's just see then." Still keeping the phone out of her reach, he flipped it open and took a lingering glance before rolling his gaze back to the girl still reaching for it. "Hmn."

"See?! Don't answer it!"

He rolled his eyes again, "Dear girl, I have to! Besides, it not even him. It's a text… from Ikkaku."

At that she stopped reaching, "Oh…" Settling back against the counter, she leaned sullenly against her forearms, "Well… tell him I'm _not_ sorry." While Yumi typed a quick reply Tatsuki stared at the back of the small phone as though it had personally wronged her.

Yumi chuckled, "Oh honey, don't be catty; it doesn't suit you." The phone chirped once more and he read the new message, edge of his mouth twitching minutely. "Hmn. I have to go, pumpkin- seems 'the toddler' wants to have a quick word with us." Tatsuki snarked at his pet name for the diminutive captain- Hitsugaya would not have been amused.

After stowing his phone, Yumi reached over and ruffled Tatsuki's short choppy hair, then rubbed a few reassuring circles into her back. "I'll be back in a bit; then we'll finish this little discussion, young lady. Wait _right here_ for me, alright love?"

Tatsuki gave a little unconvincing nod, "Okay." The ever-elegant man flashed her an odd smile- one vaguely tinged with a mix of guilt and guile- before making his elegant departure. The little bell at the top of the door sounded his exit.

Sitting up to scan the long empty shop, Tatsuki tugged her sleeves back down her wrists before leaning her arms heavily on the counter again. It was lonely. Even Renji would have been some company but he was in the back somewhere doing inventory with the big guy. The kids were nowhere to be found.

Sighing deeply, she thought better of it. Better to wallow in her loneliness as penance for such a bonehead move on her part- 'Overreaction' was a _definite_ understatement… Then when Yumi came back he would hear her side, gently scold her for being so gullible and then make her feel better by cooing over her perfect athletic figure and buying her a soy milkshake.

If he ever got back…

Several minutes passed and the fashionable shinigami had yet to return. Suddenly a thought hit her- what if Hitsugaya's meeting was about _her_?!

The humiliation from the fight instantly flooded back through her, making Tatsuki physically shudder. She heard Ikkaku's obnoxious voice echoing in her head over and over followed by the repetitive image of her foot crashing into his jaw. Last and worst of all were the _looks_ that met her once she'd snapped out of it- full of embarrassment and pity…

Horrified, she slammed her forehead on the counter and then covered her head, once again seeking the comforting shelter of the space beneath the crooks of her arms. Amidst the silence of the Shoten and the darkness of her hideout, tears slowly slid down her cheeks and wet the countertop.

-

-

-

A minute later, the door opened and the bell tinkled distantly.

Sucking in a hesitant breath, she waited for the customer to announce him- or herself. Silence followed and then the bell tinkled again. They must have thought it was empty and left. She felt a little guilty for not popping up and offering a cheerful greeting, but then again a young girl with tear-stained cheeks smiling like a moron would probably have just weirded them out.

Exhaling slowly, her breath warmed the small dark space around her face and she felt her skin dampen slightly. She should probably come out and clean herself up before someone actually saw her in such a vulnerable and pathetic state.

Soft footsteps rounded the counter, but before she could properly respond a hand casually rubbed a few circles into the small of her back. So Yumichika had snuck back in to mess with her… "What took you so long?"

"I thought you were hiding from me."

Her back stiffened beneath his hand. He'd found her. Yumi… he was _soo_ dead the next time she saw him… "Go away, Ichigo."

The hand ignored her words, pushing her shirt out of the way as it moved across her skin, "What are you doing in there? Come out and talk to me."

It was more of a command than a request but she didn't move, didn't want him to see her tears, "Ikkaku's an obnoxious dickhead. What's there to talk about?"

She felt his silent chuckle through his fingertips. "Your reaction to said dickhead, for one."

The weight of his hand moved slowly up her back, circles widening. Her breathing slowed and her eyes fluttered- his touch always did that. She sighed. "He started it."

"So I heard." Her cheeks flushed. So he'd gotten the story. _Greeeat…_ "You know, you can't clobber every person that pisses you off."

"I don't." After all, Chizuru still had all her limbs.

A serious tone edged into his voice, "Okay then, how about you can't clobber every person that makes fun of our relationship." Her shoulders tensed. "I figured out what happened. You can't let knuckleheads like Ikkaku get to you, babe. It makes you look insecure…"

The brewing tempest beneath his hand suddenly exploded. The tiny girl whipped around, eyes red and wet, chin quivering as she drilled an accusing finger into his chest, "Maybe I _am_ insecure!! Did you ever think about that?! Damnit Ichigo, you didn't _hear_ him! You didn't see their faces!! Don't you know what they're all thinking?! 'Why would a guy like him wanna be with such a neurotic little bulldog pipsqueak like her?' God!!"

Fresh tears spilled down Tatsuki's flaming cheeks. The knot in her chest tightened until it felt as though it would choke her. She wrapped her arms around herself as Ichigo just stood there shocked, speechless. After all, he'd _never_ seen her cry. Not ever.

Her eyes found her feet as her voice softened to a pained whisper, "I hear the snickers. They all think you belong with Rukia… or even Orihime. I'm just a human- with no powers. Nobody's gonna get why the 'amazing Ichigo Kurosaki, living Soul Reaper' would want me. _I_ don't get why you'd want m-_mphf_-!!"

She was instantly silenced by his strong lips as Ichigo pinned her beneath a breath-stealing, soul-searing, earth-twirling, knee-melting kiss. Her reeling mind stopped, brought to a screeching halt by the all-consuming sensation of his body wrapping around hers. When she swayed, he pushed her against the counter for support, refusing to release her body or her mouth until both of their lungs burned for oxygen.

Finally releasing her lips only, he stared silently as she gasped from the confines of his arms, a bewildered look coloring her features. Before she could form words he whispered, "I'm sorry, Tats…"

Finding her voice, she asked between pants, "wh… w-what?"

His eyes were somber, "I'm sorry. All this time, I thought you knew. I guess I never really told you- figured you'd just tease me about it…"

"About… what?" She looked up at him, mystified.

He shrugged, "About the fact that you were my first crush." He laughed as she just blinked blankly up at him, "…Back when we were 6… I was kinda smitten and, well, I guess I never really got over you."

She narrowed her eyes doubtfully, "Yeah right…" Yet something about his steadfast gaze made her squirm.

"No. Seriously. I was afraid to tell you- I knew you'd kick my ass if you ever found out. I spent years getting over you…" Ichigo had to smile a bit at the look on her face- her open-mouthed stare was priceless! "…I was doing fine until you showed up looking all hot in high school- I knew for sure someone would figure me out! But no one suspected… hm, though come to think of it, I think Mizuiro might have been on to m-" _Pow!_

The lights flashed and suddenly his jaw was throbbing. Blinking reality back into view Ichigo realized that, despite being trapped in his arms, Tatsuki had managed to free a fist and take her shot. Before he knew it she was thrashing out of his hold, "Let go, you lying bastard-"

"Hey, what the fuck?! I'm being serious, damnit!!" He blocked an earnest punch aimed at his temple and then grabbed her wrists before she could inflict any more damage.

"My ass!!" she continued struggling, attempting to reclaim her trapped appendages. "I was not _hot_ in high school, you dickhead! Orihime and I were practically inseparable- next to her I looked boyish and awkward!"

He ducked back in time to narrowly avoid an ill-directed fist, then tightened his grip on her wrists, "_No_, you were brassy and confident! You did what you wanted and you didn't take shit from anybody…" Winning his advantage by yanking her hands above their heads, Ichigo allowed himself a wry smirk, "…and speaking of your ass, it looked amazing in those little gray skirts-"

Tatsuki fumed, pissed at his strength and confused by his words, "Argh!! Then why didn't you say anything, you moron?!" She kicked him in the knee, causing his leg to buckle a little.

"Argh, shit!!" Catching himself, he twisted her wrists behind her back and pinned her between the counter and the length of his body, eliminating the threat of an attack from below. This move not only trapped her, it effectively brought them nose to nose. His voice lowered, "Well I did, didn't I? After I got back from the Winter War and you tried to beat me senseless, I realized what I wanted… and I figured out how you felt about me, too. I made my move right then, didn't I?"

No longer struggling at this point, Tatsuki calmly looked up at him, "Took you long enough…"

He nodded, nearly whispering, "Yeah, I wish I'd done it sooner. We coulda saved ourselves a bunch of heartache… and maybe a few broken bones."

"Hmph, yeah I guess," she sighed. Then her lips formed into an odd little frown, "Sooo, you're saying you're with me because I tried to kick your ass and because I look hot in a skirt? God, you're stupid. I mean I still don't have any powers…"

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Tats, jeez! I'm with you because I'm in love with you, okay?" Catching the telltale twitch at the corner of her mouth, he smiled, then rested his forehead against hers, "…And I don't care about powers- that's not important to me. What's important is that when I'm with you I'm just 'Ichigo'- I don't have to push my abilities or dodge death or save the world… All I have to do is concentrate on what I want, what I _really_ want…"

"…which is me," she whispered.

"Damn right, it's you," he replied, gazing deeply into the dark pools of her eyes, "You know the real me, and you love the real me. Which works out great, 'cause I love the real you." He finally released her wrists from behind her to slide his hands smoothly around her waist, pulling her even closer to him. "So can you handle that?"

To his delight, Tatsuki unwound her arms and brought them up around his neck, fingers slipping through his unruly hair and pulling his head down until her breath puffed against his lips, "Hmm, 'guess so. Now shut up and kiss me, you idiot."

He smirked down at her, bumping her nose with his own. "Only 'cause you're so damn charming," he replied, covering her resulting pout with another scorching kiss.

--

Renji was more than glad that he knew the Shoten like the back of his hand- the boxes in his arms were stacked higher than his shaggy ponytail. Still, navigating was becoming a bit of a problem, and he was hoping for some assistance, "Hey Yumi! A little help here?"

The only noise that greeted him, however, was a soft moaning sound coming from near the register. His curiosity peeked, the redhead shifted his load to the side, and then promptly dropped the whole thing.

"Aww, come on guys! Bro, would you please stop _ravaging_ your girlfriend on the counter?! Shit, get a room!!"

To his dismay, however, the only response he received was the snaking of a small feminine hand out from between the two writhing figures to make a distinct shoo-ing motion at him.

"Just great…" Renji muttered, but wisely backed out of the room, leaving the two lovers to their own devices. He was no dummy– Kurosaki's new girlfriend had one hell of a reputation, after all.

--

A/N: A little homáge to the elbow, hence the title. I do hope you liked it; I spent quite a bit of time on it. Do leave me a review, won't you? Liked it? Hated it? Flames? Want more?

Uwagi: short kimono-like jacket, top half of martial arts uniform.

Thanks for reading! Mira :)


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